NYtimes 2010

QUESTIONS FOR EMINEM

The Real Marshall Mathers

Interview By DEBORAH SOLOMON

Credit: Nigel Parry for The New York Times

Published: June 16, 2010

On your new album, “Recovery,” which comes out on Monday, you assume a confessional tone and back off from the misogyny and demented violence you pushed in your earlier work. Would you agree? 

I think I’d have to go back and listen to it. Did I?

Does Slim Shady, your raping and killing alter ego, still exist? Or have you split with him? 

Shady still exists. But I don’t think the subjects on this record call for, you know, bring the chainsaws and axes out and murder everyone on this record. There was so much stuff like that off the last record that I felt like I was starting to run it into the ground. I think consciously I went in a different direction with this record.

Do you regret having written so many songs that refer to women as “bitches” and “hos” who exist solely for your pleasure? 

Anything I’ve ever said, I certainly was feeling at the time. But I think I’ve calmed down a bit. My overall look on things is a lot more mature than it used to be.

Even your mother sued you for defamation. Is she still in Detroit, where she raised you as a single mom? 

I’m not sure, to be honest. It’d be very hard to repair that relationship.

XXL 2009

Eminem, “Hard To Kill”

It’s felt sort of empty without him, hasn’t it? One of the biggest superstars on the planet, Eminem has been on a three-year hiatus, dealing with some awfully heavy personal issues. He’s back now, though. And up to his old tricks. Sick. But healthier than ever.

Interview By Datwon Thomas

Photography By Perou

Tucked away in the VIP room of Morton’s steak house in downtown Cleveland, Eminem sits at the head of a long, 12-seat dinner table, looking more like a high school baseball shortstop than a multimillionaire don of the hip-hop world. He’s rocking a white Jordan fitted cap to the back, with a platinum cross dangling atop a wrinkled white T-shirt, black sweats, and Nike Air Max on the feet. Along with his longtime manager and partner, Paul Rosenberg, D12 producer Denaun Porter, and an eight-member team of label support, assistants and security, the 36-year-old rap star is watching Michigan State handle Connecticut in an NCAA Final Four game, which is playing on a huge flat-screen hanging on the mahogany walls. Repping Detroit harder (and more successfully) than General Motors, the crew oohs and aahs and screams at every basket, urging the Spartans to victory. Em cracks jokes about his publicist peeing on people in a riot back in the days. (Never happened.) But just as everything seems dorm-roomish and festive, word comes down. “Let’s roll. Em has to be there now.”

That’s a sentiment no doubt shared by millions of fans worldwide. One of hip-hop’s biggest-selling artists ever (his 34 million total domestic album sales ranks second only to Tupac), Eminem has been mostly MIA for the past three years. After an aborted European tour in summer 2005, the troubled icon ducked out of the spotlight to deal with a growing drug problem—one exacerbated, the next year, by the failure of his second marriage to Kimberly Scott, and even more by the loss of his best friend and rap partner, Proof, who died in a tragic, and still somewhat hazy, shooting incident in a bar on the very 8 Mile Road that Em has made so famous.

But he’s back. This spring marks the release of his sixth solo album, Relapse, the first of two on tap for the year. Judging from a quick listen to the setup singles “Crack a Bottle” (with fellow Interscope Records pillars Dr. Dre and 50 Cent) and “We Made You,” and a few select unreleased tracks, it’s pretty clear that rap’s nimble-tongued clown prince wants to reclaim his throne. With an emphasis on the cartoony, TV-steeped ultraviolence that rocketed him to fame 10 years ago, Em’s rapping in his Slim Shady guise, with a nod to his favorite Marvel comic-book hero, the trigger-happy vigilante Frank Castle a.k.a. The Punisher. “The Punisher just seemed appropriate for my return to the scene,” he says. “Shady with a vengeance!” Everyone feels the wrath—from horror-flick serial killers, like Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger, to train-wreck starlets, like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, to failed vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin. In the video for the first single, “We Made You,” Kim Kardashian gets the wood-chipper treatment.

But tonight there’s more serious business to attend to. It’s the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s 24th annual induction ceremony, and the blue-eyed, formerly golden-haired god of hip-hop’s modern era will be introducing the greatest group from hip-hop’s early years, Run-DMC, before they take the stage and receive their prestigious due. Fresh from Morton’s, backstage at the museum’s performance hall, crumpled-up, handwritten speech tight in his fist, Em paces the small dressing room right next to the one occupied by Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry. “I’m about to rock this shit!” he says, goofing on his own nervous energy, as a black leather coat arrives for him to wear. “I don’t know what I’m about to rock, but I’m about to do it! I’ma, ummm, rock this speech!”

He hops up, dons the coat and a matching Run-DMC–style fedora, takes the walkway to the stage and busts a b-boy stance at the podium. The audience leaps to its feet. The place goes crazy. Somebody screams “It’s Eminem! He’s back!”

Where have you been? It seems like a whole generation of hip-hop has gone in the time that you’ve been away.

Yeah, well, there were a few things that played into that factor. First of all, I went for seven years straight and never took a break. It got to the point where I felt like I needed to pull back. After the last tour, the Anger Management 3, as everybody knows, I went into rehab for a drug problem that, honestly, didn’t get better when I went into rehab. I wasn’t ready to go into rehab. I felt that, at the time, everyone else was ready for me to go. And I wasn’t ready.

You weren’t ready mentally?

I wasn’t ready mentally. I wasn’t ready to give up the drugs. I didn’t really think I had a problem. Basically, I went in, and I came out. I relapsed, and I spent the next three years struggling with it. Also, at that time, I felt like I wanted to pull back, because my drug problem had got so bad. I felt like, Maybe if I take a break, maybe this will help.

I started to get into the producer role more… I can still be out there with my music, like with the Re-Up album, but I don’t have to be in the spotlight the whole time.

What types of drugs were you were taking?

Ever since the beginning of my career I dabbled in Vicodin, Valium, Ambien. It was kind of like a recreational thing that, for some reason, when it first started out, like ecstasy and shit like that, I was able to do it and step away from it. Drinking, I was able to do it and step away from it. But slowly it started progressing. For a while, there were, like, four to six months where I struggled with ecstasy. I had found myself taking it before every show.

So you would go out, rock these shows…

Yeah, like, on the Warped Tour, me and Proof would split a hit, like half a hit or whatever, and on top of it, I was drinking or whatever. Then I would come home and be like, Aight, I’m not gonna do it around the kids. So those would be the times I’d clean myself out. I’d be home for a week, two weeks or whatever and be like, I’m done with this. Then I’d get back out on the road and then… It started becoming that I’d be doing it all the time if people had it. I wouldn’t carry the shit on me. I wouldn’t have it myself. If we were around that kind of party atmosphere and somebody had it, which my music at that time always attracted that crowd, like the raver kids and shit like that, we’d end up hanging out with some kids somehow, and people would be around us and be like, “Hey, I got some mushrooms, I got this, I got that.” Slowly, after a period of time, it became where we were buying it on the road. So we would kinda say, “Who’s got the E?” It became where I wasn’t doing it anymore because people had it, I was doing it and actually purchasing the shit, just because. Then it got to a point where I felt like I needed it to be onstage.

My biggest thing was sleeping. I would take NyQuil and shit like that. I’d be like, Okay, well, this worked last night. But I got to take extra tonight, ’cause it ain’t gonna work. Now I got to get a prescription for something. I got to see my doctor.

Because you couldn’t sleep?

It’s between the schedule and all the shit when it starts to get crazy. When you’re in album cycle and touring and shit like that, the schedule… You got to be somewhere at certain times. You only got this little window to sleep. And if you don’t sleep, you are kind of fucked for the next day. So it was all the mental things that I went through. I struggled with ecstasy, kinda struggled with drinking. But I was able to cut it off, which is what I never understood about pills. But that’s obviously what you learn in rehab. It’s what becomes your drug of choice. Certain addicts may not struggle with… I may not have a problem with liquor. But if I drink liquor and I get to where I get a hangover the next day, I’m screaming for a Vicodin. “Oh, I wish I had a Vicodin!” So, basically, I struggled off and on with prescription pills, like, the next three years. Then, everybody knows, I went through a divorce. I was trying to put my family back together. That ended up not working out. Then losing my best friend. It was kinda like going through those struggles. None of that shit was easy. My addiction got worse and worse and worse. I had to come to the realization, I mean, I’ve been clean for a year now, but I had to come to the realization that I want to do this. This ain’t something that anybody can just tell me, know what I mean? This isn’t something that everyone can want for me.

When did you know that it was time for you to go to rehab?

There were a bunch of moments where I felt like, I want to do it, I want to do it. Ah, maybe now is not the time. Maybe I’ll just do this for a little longer. I started realizing, like,

I took a break from the spotlight, and I felt like I wanted to be with my family and spend more time with my kids and stuff like that. But the whole time, I’m walking around the house high most of the time. So I’m missing out on the best parts of their lives. There were several moments. And it got to the point where the guilt that I started feeling inside for doing the shit… I wasn’t fooling anybody but myself. I had to come to that realization. At the time, I’m 35 years old, how long am I going to keep doing this? I felt like I needed to grow up, and if I didn’t grow up, it was like, now or never.

Without Proof here, is there someone else that can help you with the emotional weight you’ve been dealing with?

I’ve always had a real tight circle. All the guys from D12, everybody in the circle, management and other members of our crew, have just always been there from day one. Everyone felt his loss, from his kids, to his wife, to everyone. But, for some reason, in hindsight, the way I felt was almost like it happened to just me… Maybe at that time I was a little bit selfish with it. I think it kind of hit me so hard. It just blindsided me. I just went into such a dark place that, with everything, the drugs, my thoughts, everything. And the more drugs I consumed, and it was all depressants I was taking, the more depressed I became, the more self-loathing I became… By the way, I’m just now at the point where I’m better talking about it. It took me so long to get out of that place where I couldn’t even speak about it without crying or wanting to cry… Proof was the anchor. He was everything to D12. And not just the group—for me, personally, he was everything.

When I say I went into a dark place, it feels like I literally crawled into a hole. There were days I’d just sit around all day and take pills and try to numb myself. It was almost an excuse for me to take more pills, like, I just lost Proof, so it’s okay for me to take a couple of pills.

I started spiraling out of control with my thoughts, with the drugs, with everything. When I would go to the studio, I kept trying to write songs about him. I think I might have wrote and recorded at least five or six songs about him. None of them came out the way I wanted them to, and all of them made me depressed. All of them made me go deeper into that hole… Nothing I wrote was good enough for him. Everything was, like, self-loathing.

Did you ever take any personal responsibility for what happened to him?

Yeah, I went through that kind of thing as well. I felt like, Well, maybe if I would have been with him at the club that night… He knows I was trying to get him to chill out and stop going to the club so much.

How did you react to all the conflicting information that came out immediately following the incident?

I got a bunch of conflicting stories, a bunch of conflicting things, and none of them ever made sense to me. There were things that I’d heard that they were saying, that Proof shot the dude first. It’s so not in his character to do that. There were other stories that matched what I knew Proof would have did. I had to go through the process in my head of, like, regardless of what happened, it happened. It’s not gonna bring him back. I don’t know if I’ve accepted it is the right word, but I’m dealing with it. Life for me will never be the same.

In what way did Proof’s death affect your work?There was, like, a two-year period where I couldn’t write shit. With what was going on and shit, I just couldn’t. I was so cluttered in my mind that everything I was writing wasn’t worth recording. I’d record it, and I’d get through half a song and be like, I don’t like this. I’d get through a song, and the next day I’d be like, Nah, that don’t sound like me. And then I started going in the studio and trying to freestyle. Like, I’d do a line at a time and be like, “Stop the tape,” and be like, “Okay, I got a line here.” You know, kinda like how Jay-Z would do it. Obie did a lot of that, too.

You know, so it was almost like, I don’t know if I was challenging myself to see if I could actually do it or if I was just being lazy with writing because I wasn’t feeling what I was actually writing… So it was like, going through them time periods, I could spend more time and feel good about recording music just making beats. But then when I came out of my writer’s block, I went into the studio with Dre… My first trip was in Orlando. We had planned the trip for, like, two weeks, and I called him on the phone, and I told him, “I don’t know, man, I might be coming out of this writer’s block.” And he was like, “Uh oh! That’s what I want to hear!” I went to Orlando, and I think I wrote, like, 11 songs in the couple weeks that we were out there. Dre kinda caught fire right around the same time that I was comin’ out of my thing… Once we started getting that chemistry back, it just went so crazy that I did two albums in, like, six or seven months. I was literally writing songs faster than I could record them. I’ll take a day out to do vocals, and then my voice will be gone for, like, the next two days. So I’ll have to rest my voice. So, in between, those two days that I’m resting my voice, I’m writing two or three more songs. Before I knew it, we had two albums’ worth of material.

Your new single, “We Made You,” heavily references Amy Winehouse’s sound. How did you keep up with new music during your time off? Were you on the Internet a lot?Nah, I wasn’t. Either I go buy CDs or I have Paul or somebody sending me something if I hadn’t heard it yet.I stayed up on the music, and obviously I watch TV and saw what was going on. And without naming any names, it just felt like hip-hop was going downhill. And it seemed like kinda fast. You know, in them three years, it was like everybody just cares about the hook and the beat; nobody really cares about substance. But with this new T.I. album, with this new Lil Wayne album of recent, it seems like things are looking a lot better now. You can appreciate Lil Wayne using different words to rhyme and actually rhyming words that you know. Or T.I., where you hear shit and you’re like, Whoa, ah, I wish I would have thought of that! You know what I mean? Or you hear all the compound-syllable rhyming and all that. It just seems like now the craft is getting cared about more.

XXL featured a new generation of MCs on the cover recently: Charles Hamilton, Wale, B.o.B, Asher Roth. Have you heard their music?Yeah. Well, B.o.B we actually have a publishing deal with. So I’ve been up on him for a while. But he’s insane. Like, talentwise. He’s, like, 20 years old, and the dude, like, fuckin’ plays guitar, he plays keyboard, he writes raps. He’s not only good at writing songs in the sense of just raps, but hooks. He’s fuckin’ insane. He can sing… I just worked with him a few weeks ago in the studio, and I’m like, “Do you fuckin’ dance, too? Jesus Christ!”

Charles Hamilton I’ve worked with a couple of years ago, toward the end of 2007. I just made the beat to a song, but, you know, I think Charles Hamilton is dope. Asher Roth, I haven’t had a chance to, like, really get into everything, like, really get into what he’s about, because I’ve only heard a couple of songs. There was talk about people saying he sounded like me, and he was doing this and that and, you know, trying to take what I do and do it. You know, shit like that. I’ve heard things. But the stuff that I’ve heard from him—honestly, which certainly isn’t enough for me to make my own opinion and say, “Yeah, he does sound like me” or “No, he doesn’t.” But the couple of songs I’ve heard, I don’t really think he does. You know what I mean? He’s doing his own thing. I can respect it, too, because, at the end of the day, I think he’s dope.

I think people were looking to see if there was going to be any kind of friction or whatever. Because you’re both White. You know, like the “White rapper spot” has to be reserved for one person.Man, that’s stupid.

Clearly.

As big as hip-hop is, you know what I mean? Like, who gives a shit? I mean, at first it was like, just to me it was like, is it because this dude is White that everyone’s automatically making comparisons? Obviously, to an extent, it is. That’s what everyone is gonna be looking for: Does he sound like Eminem? But I was flipping through the channels, and I caught something on spring break [with him performing], and I heard a song I had never heard before, and I was like, This dude sounds nothing like me.

Let’s talk about your new album. The early material to come out seems like a return to the crazy, twisted, psychopathic stuff you first came out with 10 years ago on The Slim Shady LP. Like, a serial-killer-type theme.

There’s a lot of stuff on there like that. When I came home from Orlando, out the blue, just the title, Relapse, hit me. Just the word stuck in my head… I kinda wanted to go back to what got me here in the first place. I’d asked Dre, “What do you think people want to hear from me anymore?” He’d be like, “People want to hear you lose your fuckin’ mind again.” Not only does Relapse mean coming out of rehab, but I wanted to go back to Proof’s idea of, “Let’s just say the most fucked-up shit that we can.” So I’ve kinda gone back to that direction.

Besides Dre, you’ve been working with 50 Cent again, too. How is your relationship with 50? He’s going through this whole battle with Rick Ross, with this Pimpin’ Curly stuff. How do you view all of it?

Mine and 50’s relationship has always been the same. It’s always been good. If anything, we’ve gotten closer in the last few years. 50 will just come to my house and just stay the night. Stay the weekend in one of the bedrooms and just hang out. And we talk about shit. I mean, a lot of our talk is about music, you know. But we just—we talk about shit, and we just make jokes and hang out. It doesn’t always have to be about business. You know, he’s going through this Rick Ross thing, which is kinda his thing. I guess, you know, at the moment, it’s just, let 50 do 50. I think that the Pimpin’ Curly shit is fuckin’ hilarious, though. I’m sorry, to me, that’s when 50’s at his best. When he’s doing just the funny shit. In real life, 50’s a fuckin’ clown, man. He’s actually a really funny dude.

Pictures of you came out last year where it looked like you’d gained a lot of weight. You’re back looking real chiseled now. What happened?

I gained a bunch of weight in my time off. I got lazy. I was eating a lot, just because the pills make you feel hungry. Then, just this past year, I got clean, I got sober, and I started running. I had a knee surgery last year, but as soon as I could, I hit the treadmill. So I run every day. The last couple of weeks, I’ve been up to 10 miles a day. I’ve been trying to really push myself. Just to see how much I could actually run, but I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. At the end of the day, I’m an addict. So I have addictive behavior. So I’m obsessive-compulsive about a lot of things. I’m obsessive-compulsive about my music, you know. Now I’m obsessive-compulsive about working out. I can’t do nothing in moderation… You’d think that the signs, like, all the addiction that runs in my family, I would have been a little more hip to that. But I just—I guess I wasn’t.

With all the hype surrounding your comeback, and with the terrible state of the record business, the hip-hop business in particular, do you feel like you’re coming back to save your label, or hip-hop as a genre, or even the music industry as a whole?

I don’t know if I feel like I’m coming back to save anything like that. I mean, obviously, if I can, you know, save the label and help generate more money for that, that’s great, too. But the truth is, I get bored just sitting around. I’m ready to be back out there. I love to be respected for the music that I make, and that’s what I’m in it for. The beautiful thing about this record is, I don’t expect it to do anything… Money is not necessarily something that I need anymore, so I’m doing it because I want to do it. I’m doing it because I want people to hear the music and like the music… If people like it, cool. If they don’t, they don’t. I certainly would like the benefits of what would come with it. If it could help generate more money for the label, then that’s good. But, at the end of the day, it’s just about the music.

Eminem on XXL 2009

Eminem on XXL 2009

Eminem on XXL 2009

Eminem on XXL 2009

Link: http://www.xxlmag.com/news/throwbacks/2013/10/eminem-hard-to-kill-originally-published-june-2009/4/

Scans from: http://www.xxlmag.com/news/throwbacks/2013/10/eminem-hard-to-kill-originally-published-june-2009/4/

Respect 2010

Eminem on the cover of Respect Magazine, 2010

Vibe 2010

 Dr Dre and Eminem on Vibe's cover
Credit to Vibe.com

The Eminem Cover Story: Dying To Live

WITH HIS MIND RIGHT AND RHYMES TIGHT, HIP-HOP’S BIGGEST BLOCKBUSTER RAPPER

 ISN’T READY FOR WAR ANYMORE. MARSHALL “EMINEM” MATHERS IS CLEAN AND SOBER AND PUTTING SHATTERED PIECES OF HIS LIFE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, ONE 

POTENT HIT AT A TIME

EMINEM IS A 37-YEAR-OLD DAD who goes to work every day and has a fantasy football team. He is trying really hard to be normal. Of course it’s too late for that. His childhood was totally fucked. His drug addiction to a myriad of prescription pills and alcohol nearly killed him. He is incredibly talented—only guys like Kobe Bryant and Roger Federer know what it’s like to be that damn good at something. And once again, he stands alone as the biggest rap star in the world. In June, hisseventh studio album Recovery sold 741,000 copies during its first week. That’s more than Drake sold. That’s more than Jay-Z sold last time out. Hell, that’s more than even Justin Bieber sold. Some people were surprised. (1) Others were not. (2) Either way, it’s quite the comeback story.

Eminem points out several times on Recovery that his previous two albums, 2004’s Encore and 2009’s Relapse, were not very good. It helps that he is sober now and has been through some rigorous rehab. He has emerged from a personal hell—the drugs, the death of his best friend Proof, the failed marriage to his childhood sweetheart Kim—as a stronger artist and a stronger person.

We meet at his homely studio in Ferndale, Michigan, about a thirty-minute drive from downtown Detroit. He walks past the row of old school 1980’s video games and introduces himself with a firm handshake. “Hi, I’m Marshall.” From there, it’s over to his office where he takes a swig of sugar free Red Bull. “I’m addicted to these,” he says without a hint of irony at the poor choice of words.

He wears blue-and-white Nike sneakers, a white T-shirt, navy blue gym shorts and a matching navy Kangol baseball cap. Eminem rarely makes eye contact. He is, however, articulate and commanding. He also frequently lassos the conversation and steers it back into his comfort zone, which makes him a challenging interview. On the song “On Fire,” Eminem says, “Critics never ask me how my day went.” It’s a simple request. He will give you what you want. After all, his life was always an open book. He knows he’s a star. He just wants you to know he’s also human. He wants to be treated like a regular person. God help him with that.

VIBE: How’s your day going?

Eminem: Good. I’m just coming back from L.A. It’s the album cycle again.

Are you doing more publicity than last year?

Yeah, I am. I was taking baby steps. I was in my first year of getting clean so it was a little awkward for me.

Upon telling a friend about this interview he said, “Eminem hasn’t done shit since The Eminem Show.” Do you agree?

I do feel like that. The last couple of albums I let some people down. It wasn’t like, “Let me put some bullshit out.” At the time, obviously I felt like it was the best I could do or else I wouldn’t have put it out. But looking back on it now, there was some pretty mediocre things that I was putting out. (3) When I was making Encore, my addiction took on a life of its own. I remember going to L.A., recording with Dre and being in the studio high, taking too many pills, getting in this slap-happy mood and making songs like “Big Weenie” and “Rain Man” and “Ass Like That.”

What did Dr. Dre say about those records?

He would just laugh. He didn’t understand what was going on. Nobody understood what was going on with me or why I was acting so fucking goofy.

Did Interscope pressure you to finish Encore and Relapse? Were they telling you, “We need the album. We need product?”

No. Interscope, Dre and Jimmy, they kind of let me work at my own pace, which is a cool thing. I don’t really get the pressure. Every now and then, I’m sure they are like, “Yo, what’s up?” But for the most part, I pretty much don’t put it out till it’s right.

You seem very self-assured on Recovery. Is this the most confident you’ve ever felt? Not as a rapper, but as a person.

As a person, yeah. I feel stronger than ever, better than ever, nothing is going to stop me. That is the undertone of the record. It’s also; I think that, um, by me putting out a record like this, it can show people that no matter how down you are, it does get better. (4) 

So this is an uplifting Eminem record?

I, um, yeah, kind of. To an extent. This is probably the most uplifting record I’ve made. But I don’t want to go too far with it. You know what I mean? So let me pull it back a little so I have some songs where it’s like, “Fuck all that other shit, let me just get on some hip-hop shit.”

_______________

FOOTNOTES:

1 “I never know what the market will bear these days. I just knew that he made an incredible [album].” — Interscope Records co-founder, Jimmy Iovine

2 “I won a lot of bets.” —longtime friend and rapper, Royce Da 5’9”

3 “I felt Encore was a little more scattered than The Eminem Show. I like Encore. I just think The Eminem Show is more direct and cleaner. Relapse was very clear for what it was, but what it was, was very narrow.” —Jimmy Iovine

4 “What [Eminem is] doing and how he’s doing it should be an example to anyone that has anykind of substance abuse problem and give them the courage to admit the problem because the only way to recovery is to admit you have a problem.” —Jimmy Iovine

_______________

After the last two mediocre albums, Recovery was vital for your legacy. How important is it to you to be mentioned as one of the greats, if not the greatest? 

How important is it? I think, hmmm. I mean, anytime you hear things like that (5), it’s certainly an honor and feels good but I don’t rap to be the absolute best rapper in the world because I think there is no such thing. I rap to be the best that I can be. I feel like I compete with myself a lot and I’m always trying to top what I did. I think Wayne once said, “Of course you are rapping to be the best rapper. Because otherwise, why are you doing it?” So everyone raps to say they are the best or to be the best or whatever. I don’t even know if I’m making any sense. It’s what hip-hop is based on: “I’m better than you. I do this better than you.” At the end of the day, I don’t believe that there is one rapper that can be the best because that means you have to be the best at everything. There are certain things that I may do better than Wayne. There are certain things that Wayne may do better than me. There are certain things that Jay may do better than both of us. Everybody has certain things that they are good at. Being the best? There is no such thing.

Let’s discuss the opening lines on “Talkin’ 2 Myself.”(6) Did you just decide one day that you would attack Kanye and Lil Wayne?

Well, it wasn’t one day. And it wasn’t just them. The reason why I singled them out on the record was because to me, they were the ones killing it the most. There was a point in time where I was walking around the studio feeling like I should go at everybody. I don’t give a fuck if it’s Paul Wall or Bubba Sparxxx. If you’re out there and doing well, I’m not and I know that I’m not. I didn’t like them because I didn’t like myself. Now, I like those guys because I like myself.

You also said that if you released a diss record it would have sucked. (7) C’mon, really? 

It would have been terrible. It would have been terrible. I’m certainly glad I came to my senses. [At the time], I couldn’t even write a fucking punch line. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t write period.

At the time—2006, 2007—50 Cent was baiting Kanye and Lil Wayne. Did you guys talk about that?

Me and 50 never discussed the Wayne thing. As far as the Kanye thing, we never really got into detail on that either. I never took it as him having a real beef with Kanye. It was a friendly competition and hype to [promote] both albums.

You had so many battles. Do you regret anything you’ve ever said about anyone?

I don’t really regret anything because it was certainly the way I was feeling at the time. I’m sure that a lot of the shit went pretty far out there but it’s my art, man.

I think the coldest thing you ever rhymed was directed at Everlast. (8)

Yeah, me and Everlast had a pretty good beef going back then. We’ve squashed it now but yeah we were going after each other for a while. I was a hell of a lot angrier person back them. [Laughs.] My mentality was just [sic] everybody. It may even be rooted in the way I was treated growing up. It might be psychological.

What was the best thing someone said about you? Was there ever a hot Eminem diss?

Um, no. [Laughs.] Nah, I’m kidding. Shit, there was a couple of lines Everlast said like, “You ain’t running up on me with no empty gun.” I know there is a lot of shit that I would have said about me.

Just like that scene in 8 Mile?

Yeah. Which is why I chose a lot of times to make fun of myself. If you’re not going to say this about me, I’m going to say it about myself. There are a lot of things I can say about me that would destroy me.

Such as?

Offhand, I can’t think of it, but going into those battles and beefs, I remember thinking, “If he says something about this, I’m going to kill this motherfucker.” At the end of the day, it’s just words. Looking back, at the point I’m at with my life, I’m glad to be out of them because I’m not about that anymore.

Last summer you released a record going at Mariah Carey. Why even bother?

You know what? I got to be honest. I really don’t want to talk about her anymore only just because it’s kind of like the last thing I said about her was on “Cold Wind Blows.” I made the comment. (9) I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse. I’m not even going to comment about it. I’m done with that whole situation. I said what I had to say. I’m done.

Why are there barely any mentions of your mom, your ex-wife and your kids on Recovery?

It’s kind of where I’m at in my life. I also want to make a record without having to talk about these three things. Also, my kids are growing up, they have their own lives, and so I have to be careful about what I say. On “[Going Through] Changes,” I said (10) what I wanted to say about the whole situation and the rest is my own private, personal business, which is, you know, kind of my privilege.

Why is there no jokey first single?

About halfway through recording the record, I was probably thinking, one of those kind of singles isn’t going to make sense. It’s one of them things man . . . [I’ve] grown up so much just in the last couple of years since I’ve been sober. Relapse didn’t reflect that [or] where I really am mentally. (11)

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FOOTNOTES:

5 “Technically, he’s the most skilled rapper I’ve ever heard” —producer DJ Khalil

6 “Hatred was flowing through my veins/on the verge of going insane/I almost made a song dissing Lil Wayne/It’s like I was jealous of him cause of the attention he was getting . . . Almost went at Kanye too” —Eminem, “Talkin’ 2 Myself”

7 “Thank God that I didn’t do it/I would have had my ass handed to me” —Eminem, “Talkin’ 2 Myself”

8 “I remember back when you had ‘The Knack’/and I remember when you had your first heart attack/I was right there laughing when I heard the news/I just wish the cardiac would have murdered you.” —Eminem, “I Remember”

9 “Take a look at Mariah next time I inspire you to write a song.” —Eminem, “Cold Wind Blows”

10 “Hailie this one is for you/ Whitney and Alaina too/I still love your mother, that’ll never change/think about her every day, we just could never get it together hey/wish there was a better way for me to say it/but I swear on everything, I’ll do anything for her on any day/. . . I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history/and just today, I looked at your picture, almost as if to say/I miss you subconsciously, wish it didn’t end this way/but I just had to get away, don’t know why, I don’t know what else to say,” —Eminem, “Going Through Changes”

11 “He is a lot more mature. He is more even-tempered.” —Royce Da 5’9”

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I was waiting for the first single’s video. I had visions of you dressed up like Tiger Woods and surrounded by porn stars.

Which would have been so predictable.

You do target another celebrity though. Ben Roethlisberger gets it bad on “Almost Famous.” (12) What are your thoughts on his situation?

That’s a tricky one. I don’t have any thoughts on it. To be honest, I don’t have an opinion whether he did it or didn’t. I do know that he certainly puts himself in bad positions. It was a hot topic. And that’s kind of what I’ve done for my whole career—take hot topics and talk about them. Although it may sound like a personal stab, it wasn’t like, “I’m out to get this guy.” If I was out to do that, I would have elaborated on it more. It’s just how I wanted to start the song. First of all, I’m not defending him but he’s a fucking great quarterback and it’s a shame that something like this would happen or he would allow it to happen or he would put himself in these situations where he would allow it to happen.

Do you think people overlook your artistry because you are a provocateur?

Maybe sometimes in the past. I think that sometimes people just never took it for what it was. A lot of times people tried to find deeper meanings in shit. I think a lot of people early on didn’t understand the fact that I was doing it to try and piss you off.

Did you think those critics were stupid?

I was thinking that a lot. It was funny to sit back and watch what a stink I’m making because I never knew I could make a stink in this world. Little old Marshall, like, “How the fuck could I do this?”

Other critics called you the voice of a generation. Did you buy into that?

I don’t know. I’m trying to think how I felt back then. It’s so weird man. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole but things were moving so fast for me that I don’t know if I took time to stop and feel or be able to assess what was going on around me. I just remember moving so fast. It was way too big back then for me to actually grasp what was happening. You know what?

What?

I got to use the bathroom.

[Two minutes later.] On Recovery, you mention “the perfect verse” several times. What’s the closest you’ve come?

Every verse that I put out on this album. And by perfect, I don’t mean the best verse ever. I mean that I got it to where it’s good enough for me. There will be shit that two years from now, I will think I could have said better. I always feel like I can do shit better. If this album isn’t better than my last one, then why am I doing it? Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I have in this game. I’m always going to love hip-hop. But how much longer am I going to still do it? I couldn’t really give you an answer. But the day that this is not better than the last will probably be the day I stop.

You sure don’t need the money. Well, I hope you don’t need the money.

I hope so too. Shit.

 

I can’t picture you quitting because you seem to really love hip-hop.

I do love it so much. But even if I was rapping at 50 [years old], I don’t know if I would put it out. I know it always makes me feel better to lay things to tape, and—“Lay the tape.” See, I’m old school. The fans might say the shit is garbage. You don’t how long people are going to want you around . . . Realistically, if I don’t rap, what the fuck am I going to do? It’s too late to just be unfamous right now at this point.

Do you go out more in public?

In public? As far as doing regular things? I think I do. (13) I go out more than in the five-year period that I was using.

Do you consider yourself normal?

Normal by whose standards?

Your standards.

I don’t consider myself a star. Obviously, I know I’m a celebrity but I don’t look at myself in that light. I’m just me, man. It’s one of the reasons that I stay here [in Detroit]. I don’t want the attention. I don’t like the attention. I don’t like all that shit. Yes, I love the respect and the admiration that some people show me but I don’t thrive off that whole thing. I just want to be regular.

What were your thoughts when you heard that your 8 Mile co-star Brittany Murphy had passed?

It was crazy. It’s crazy. It’s crazy because at one point we were very close and she was a really good person. It’s crazy when you see things not just with her but just all these things that are happening in Hollywood with people in music, with people in acting . . .

 . . . famous people.

Famous people. Famous people are overdosing at alarming rates and—that almost sounded like a commercial. Wow.

It sounded like a Sally Struthers commercial. “Please give to this charity.” 

Right. But they are. And it’s one of those things man where you’re famous, doctors will kiss your ass because they love the celebrity. “Oh, I can call up Eminem and get him on the phone right now. Oh, hi Marshall, how are you doing? Do you need that [prescription]?” There are doctors that will give you certain things just because of who you are.

That is mind-boggling.

That is fucked up. You tell them what you need. You don’t need to go in and see them. They will just write you a [prescription] because they want that connection with you.

Do you think about your own death?

Yeah, I do. A lot. I think about it a lot. I try not to think about it, but I do and it creeps me the fuck out. It creeps me out because they say that if I got to the hospital two hours later then I would be gone. I think about that a lot. When I lay in bed at night is when I think about it the most. It creeps me out man.

A cynic would say that your story is depressing. It seems you have everything—fame, fortune, respect, talent—yet life still manages to kick you in the ass.

If you would look at it from a pessimist’s point of view, you can look at it like that. Yeah, life does seem to find a way to kick me in the ass but at the same time, I try not to look at it like that anymore. I stopped carrying around my fucking woes and started counting my blessings. I’ve got so much to be thankful for. I’ve got so much to live for.

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FOOTNOTES:

12 “I stuck my dick in this game like a rapist, they call me Slim Roethlisberger.” —Eminem, “Almost Famous”

13 “I see what he goes through when he’s out in public. He’s come to terms that he will probably never go to the mall again. He’s accepted it. He never was the club type, [anyway]. He’s always been such a 

homebody.” —Royce Da 5’9”

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Link: http://www.vibe.com/article/eminem-cover-story-dying-live

NYpost 2010

Losing myself
In an exclusive interview, Eminem tells The Post how pills took over his life and music


If you thought Eminem’s journey as a poverty-stricken kid from a broken home to rap star made a near perfect Horatio Alger plot for the movie “8 Mile,” the next chapter for Slim Shady is an even more harrowing roller-coaster ride. It’s a tale ready for Hollywood with a built-in happy ending.

Part “King Lear” part “Scarface,” the plot is told on his new album “Recovery,” the man born Marshall Mathers tells listeners that his previous two records — “Encore” and “Relapse” — weren’t his best work. There’s mention of his near-death overdose, rehab and the drugs that landed him there, how his skills as an MC suffered, and how his childhood pal and fellow Detroit rapper Proof was murdered 2006. And of course how his marriage to Kim ended for a second time.
Eminem
Eminem

Eminem, 37, is now enjoying a huge comeback spurred by “Recovery.” He received eight nominations — including Video of the Year for the emotional “Not Afraid” — at tonight’s MTV Music Video Awards. Tomorrow and Tuesday he and Jay-Z will perform at Yankee Stadium in a pair of sold-out shows.

This comeback started when he finally kicked drugs in early 2008. Speaking to The Post in an exclusive interview from his studio outside of Detroit, Eminem reveals the stranglehold drugs had on him and the steps he took to revitalize his career.

Do you remember when you took your first pill?
I took my first Vicodin when I was 24 or 25. I liked anything with codeine in it. It was easy in the beginning. I didn’t have the money to get really involved in drugs. I’d do them when somebody offered them to me. As my career took off and the crowds got larger and life got faster, I reached out for that sh - - more and more. I used it as a crutch to calm my nerves. Especially the sleeping pills.

Now when you listen to albums like “Encore” and “Relapse,” can you hear the effect drugs had on you?

There’s reflection of the drugs in the music. I can listen to songs now and hear how high I was. I can also hear the songs where I wasn’t high at all. But as the pills progressed and progressed, right around the “Encore” album, I think the drug use was obvious.

What impact did the pills wind up having on your music?
They stifled me — they stopped my brain off. I don’t know if I was frying brain cells or what, but I couldn’t think. The drugs also made me lazy.

How did they make you lazy?
I was lazy about everything. I’d get high and say, “F - - - writing rhymes. I wanna sit down, watch some TV and eat nachos — and watch more TV.”

Didn’t any of your friends tell you to get off your butt?

Proof [Eminem’s childhood friend, who died in a shooting in 2006] would call me out on my bulls - - - . He’d say what was on his mind. But as close as he was, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t ready to listen. There wasn’t a person who could tell me I had a problem.

Were you as disappointed as your fans with “Relapse”?
I wasn’t disappointed when I put it out. When I felt that was later, when I was reassessing my work — trying to figure out why my songs didn’t sound like they used to sound. The further I got away from “Relapse,” I was able to hear the problems with all the accents I was using to slip in and out of characters, and how the serial killing didn’t work. The joke was over — I ran it into the ground.

What were the problems?
There was definitely a lapse in personal honesty on “Relapse,” and there’s honesty on “Recovery.”

Did anything good come out of “Relapse?”
It was good because it was a necessary step for me to take or I wouldn’t have been able to make [“Recovery”], so I am grateful in that sense. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think “Relapse” was a terrible album. I just think the new material is so much better.

Your music’s better now that you’ve kicked your pill habit?
When I got clean and sober, it was like I was a kid again. Everything was new. Not to sound corny, I felt like I was born again. I had to learn my writing skills. I was relearning how to rap. I didn’t know if my MC skills were intact. But everything was fun and suddenly I started feeling happy. I hadn’t felt happy for a long time.

Was there a point when you knew you’d hit rock bottom?
Looking back on it now, I realize my rock bottom was my overdose [in December 2007]. But when I was deepest in the hole was when I realized I can’t do any sh - - anymore. No drugs, pills or any kind of mood stimulant — not even NyQuil. I can’t do any of that because I like it too much.

So it took an overdose to get you to stop doing drugs?
No. After my overdose — less than a month later — I was right back to taking pills again. I was telling myself, “I can take Vicodin again — I’m just going to take a little. Or I’ll do a Valium and not take any Vicodin.”

It doesn’t work like that. In a few weeks, I ramped it up to as much as I was doing before my overdose. I scared the sh - - out of myself. I realized, “Yo, I can’t do anything in moderation. I don’t know how.”

Then what happened?
I finally admitted I had a problem and I went to get help.

Did you go to rehab with other addicts? Or did you get help privately?

I did it at home. I went to my friends and said I really need help, but I can’t go back to rehab [like I did in 2005]. I’m not knocking the rehab system, but it didn’t work for me. I wouldn’t open up — I didn’t really think I belonged there.

What was wrong with rehab?
It was too much craziness. It’s all supposed to be anonymous, but being unknown isn’t possible for me — come on! When I walked into rehab the first time, I felt like I was a cartoon character who walked into a room with real people and all eyes were on me. It was too much for me.

I was still at the stage when I didn’t think I had a problem. I was like, “Maybe I have a problem with sleeping pills, but Vicodin and Tylenol 3 were still fine for a little recreation.” I was bartering with myself and I was in denial. I hated myself for being so weak. I said I could control this, but deep down I couldn’t. I had a problem saying, “My name is Marshall and I’m an addict.”

Has fighting addiction been a humbling experience?
I don’t think I ever thought of myself as Superman. But there were people who thought of me that way, and maybe I believed them a little. With drugs I knew I’d let my kids down. I thought, “What if they looked at me like I was Superman and all I ever do is disappoint them?” I felt weak and knew I wasn’t supposed to be weak.

People say “Recovery” shows strength and uncharacteristic maturity. Do you feel that way?
Oh yeah. I’ve grown up a lot in the last couple of years. That doesn’t mean I can’t still act like a big-ass kid. I’ve been changed by getting clean and conquering these demons — at least for now.

Has there been a payoff for going through all this?
That’s hard to pinpoint. I had to learn to write and rap again, and I had to do it sober and 100 percent clean. That didn’t feel good at first.

What do you mean you had to learn to rap again?
I mean it in the literal sense. I actually had to learn how to say my lyrics again — how to phrase them, make them flow, how to use force so they sounded like I meant them. Rapping wasn’t like riding a bike. It was [as much] physical as mental. I was relearning basic motor skills. I couldn’t control my hand shakes. I’d get in the [recording] booth and tried to rap, and none of it was clever, none was witty and I wasn’t saying it right.

When did you feel like you were back in shape as a rapper?

It was four or five months after I’d been clean when I started to get a glimmer of my writing skills back. I don’t remember what song I was working on specifically, but I do remember getting feeling back in the music. I realized I wanted to do this again.